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Monday Morning Motherhood: Pop Goes the Praise Balloon

April 16th, 2007 by Melissa Brannen

When we, as adults, go to work, we do exactly that — work. We put forth the effort necessary to do our jobs as expected and required. We are appreciative when our hard work is applauded, and enjoy reaping those benefits, whether they come in the form of a promotion, pay raise, or the key to the executive washroom (ahhh, the executive washroom). What we don’t have is someone patting us on our heads, telling us how smart we are, what a good job we’re doing, how intelligent we are, like when we were kids. Damn it, I miss those days. Though, if my boss actually did pat me on the head, it would probably freak me out enough to make me find a new gig with a slightly less weird work environment.

My daughter, in my completely unbiased opinion, is brilliant. Okay, okay, maybe I’m not completely unbiased. Still, she is extremely intelligent. As a result, since she was born, I’ve told her so — whether it was how she always managed to drool right onto her bib, or her ability to put together a Dora the Explorer puzzle. Admit it, most of us as parents do this. Our general perspective is that by constantly praising our children for being so smart, we’re helping them to achieve more, do better in school, and basically do better in life. According to a Columbia University study, 85% of parents feel that praising their child’s intelligence and telling them they’re smart is very important. Well, Ha, ha, ha on all of us: recent research has popped that balloon animal.

Psychologist Carol Dweck has spent the past 10 years doing research on the effect and consequence of praise on 400 students in New York public schools. The results seem astonishing. There were two sets of tests involved. For the first, children were given a nonverbal IQ test, consisting of puzzles. The puzzles were manufactured to be simple enough so the children would find them easy. After finishing, some of the students were praised for their intelligence, and the others praised for their effort. For the next test, the children had a choice of puzzles. They were informed the first choice would be harder, but that they would learn a lot. The second test was an easy one, just like the puzzle in the first test. The results, you ask? Of the children who had been praised for their effort after the first round of testing, 90% chose the harder puzzle. Alternatively, the majority of kids praised for their intelligence chose the easy test, the cop-out.

You might be pondering, Why did they do this? Dweck’s research indicates that the children praised for their intelligence would rather look smart than risk the failure and embarrassment of not being able to complete the more difficult puzzles. She also discovered that a feeling of naturally being intelligent causes children to feel that since they’re smart, and because they’ve been told this since birth, they don’t value the importance of effort. They’re innately smart, and therefore don’t need to expend any effort. Also, believe it or not, even preschoolers aren’t immune this.

Of course, praising your child’s intelligence is important. I’m definitely not saying don’t tell your kid they’re smart. Oh, and you probably shouldn’t tell them they’re stupid, either. However, praising the effort a child puts forth seems to play a greater role in a child’s development than praising intelligence. Whether they’re working on a difficult math problem, trying to build a six-foot tower of Legos, or put a binkie in their mouth all by themselves, remember to commend the effort. This will assist them during their school years and beyond, encouraging them to put forth the effort needed to succeed and advance. And come on now, do you really want your kid to be the bratty, know-it-all on the playground? That’s what I thought.